Vanessa Borg

Vanessa, there are no words to describe the devistation that we are going through. I have tried to explain to others how I feel inside, but there just isin't any explanation that suites what my heart, soul, and mind experience everyday. I may put on a smile, but deep within what is left of my heart is aching so much. People say in time things will get better, and I must say that is not true, what happenes is You learn to deal with it, You dont want to but You have to. I will admit there are times I close my eyes and make myself believe that You are still here,with me with us, it works for a few minutes, but then the tragedy of the night settles in. I remember that night You left us as if it was yesterday, the emptyness, the pain, the suffering, the questions... VANESSA I always Loved You and looked up to You and I always will. Today Thursday is our day... every Thursday we made it Family day just for the 4 of us when daddy is off from work and You always took us shopping and later to dinner.We still do it and Your Loving brother gets to take us food shopping and then for dinner we do miss You Vanessa but You are always always with us.I remember when Daddy got You the Apartment and You was so excited,You told me that You were moving it broke my heart... even tough it was in the same building and one floor down.And when Daddy took you to Home Depot so You can pick up the colours for the Paint and You even picked up the  tiles for the bathroom and the Kitchen....You and I went shopping to get the towels,the shower curtain ( now we use the same Shower Curtain You had) and you made a list of what was needed and then You became ill....and never got to finish the apartment and I still have your wish List...Some days are so hard because I want to see You and talk to You and touch You but I just close my eyes and think back to a happy time when I could do that and it makes me feel for one moment that life is still like that and You are still here. Things are always going to be hard without You in my life.Oh my Vanessa I would give anything anything to have You back .....................just to hear Your laugh..see Your smile..to be here with me with us and  just to hear You call me mommy. I miss You so much

'I Wanted to Share My Thoughts With You'

9-11-01

Today I look back on the past 2 days and think I should be waking up from this really bad dream right about now. Unfortunately, my nightmare, America’s nightmare, is a brutal reality. A reality, which tested our strength, our integrity as a nation, our unity as a people, and our belief in the American Dream.
On Tuesday September 11, 2001 I woke up to what seemed like a normal day. I got up at about 8am and started getting ready for my first class, which began at 10. I put on Good Day NY like I do almost every morning, and I began to eat my cereal and watch the morning news. At about 8:45 or so, the news channel flickered and went out for like a slit second. About 3 minutes later Jim Ryan and Lynn Brown began talking about “Breaking News” apparently a plane had flown into one of the building of the World Trade Center. The first thought that came to my mind was about he poor people on this plane. But then I thought, how could a pilot fly into one of the twin towers in this crystal clear weather. My questions were answered, no more than 10 minuets later a second plane hit the second tower of the World Trade Center. And life as we know it will never be the same again.
Shocked, scared, and confused I didn’t know what to do. I called my father and he wasn’t at his desk. I kept running back and forth to look at the television, not wanting to believe my eyes, but at the same time so transfixed that I was paralyzed. I called my mom and told her “Mom 2 planes just hit the World Trade Center, put on the TV!” and I hung up. I was in a daze, I had no idea what I was doing. I got my book bag and walked out of my house, like everything was normal. But it was a far cry from that, I went to school thinking that maybe it was all just my imagination, and besides everyone seemed to be going about their normal activities.
I got to school and overheard a few people talking about the incident, but the initial shock didn’t seem to set in. The professor arrived and he said to us that he doesn’t know if he should be conducting the class since the World Trade Center “is in ruins”. Our class went into a frenzy, “what??” we all said. The professor explained to us that the buildings both collapsed. Panic, shock, fear, anger, and a whole range of emotions waved through the classroom. And a cloud of debris hung over lower Manhattan.
My walk home was the scariest and surreal thing I have ever experienced in my life. What seemed like the whole population of Manhattan was walking uptown in a zombie-like daze. I felt like I was the only person walking downtown, but I had to get home. My walk from 68th street and Lexington Ave. to 56th street and 1st Ave. was anything but normal. Droves of people walking with blank stares on their faces. I walked home thinking of what monsters could do such a thing. In between tears and feeling the need to scream from anger I kept walking, the whole way with goose bumps and a chilling feeling unlike any other I had felt before.
When I got home, the images were worse than I imagined. Pure horror on the TV. It was like watching a movie, only one thing, these were not special effects, this really happened. Could it be? The twin towers, which were once looked upon as a landmark of our city and our country no longer stood. It’s just then you realize how many people are involved. The news reporters start giving numbers, as many as 20,000 they say. More than one can imagine. Some one has to pay for all this. But who? As the day progresses, fingers point towards Osama Bin Laden, anti-American millionaire who apparently has more than a few screws loose. With a significant network of worshipers, he is the epitome of evil power. What makes him and his associates even more dangerous is that they are willing to give their lives, to end the lives of others. Just as they proved with the planes they hijacked.
As the story unfolded, things couldn’t get much worse. American integrity was questioned and its people, saddened. But instead of focusing our fear and confusion into anger, New Yorkers instead became unusually helpful. Lines to donate blood had over a 5 hour wait. Rescue workers had more food than they could eat. This was the true spirit of New York. Nothing a terrorist could ever take away from us.
Waking up Wednesday morning, I thought to myself, was it really a dream? Once again I was wrong. The second day was far worse than the first. The dust settled, the thoughts coming together in out heads, and the grim reality of the amount of people buried under 110 stories of rubble. Rescue efforts were not even putting a dent in the huge mound of debris. People began coming foreword with their heart wrenching stories of their missing loved ones. All hope seemed lost, but the rescue efforts pushed on. Burdened with the threats or remaining fires, shaky buildings, wet feet, and heavy hearts, New York’s finest, bravest, and most heroic individuals dug their way into a twisted and chaotic mess. Some with bulldozers, others with their bare hands, everyone was eager to do what they could to help alleviate the pain and horror of the most horrific and deadly tragedy in history.
And while this story is far from over, an interesting realization has come over the people of New York. They care for one another. Everyone is genuinely happy to see friends or co-workers, because we all know in the back of our minds that not everyone is as lucky as we are to be with the ones we love.
Tonight’s forecast is rain. As if a devastated financial district, lost lives numbering in the thousands, dwindling survivors pulled from the wreckage, the fear of an asbestos threat and hundred and hundreds of bodies what will begin to decompose within the next day or so are not enough elements to deal with, now the worry of rain. And while the inclement weather may dampen the bodies of our heroes, its will not even touch the American spirit. Nothing has, nothing will. If anything, these events have brought us together as people, as the human race. Together we will begin to make some sort of sense in our personal lives, and try to return to normalcy seems as foreign as the terrorists who raged their hatred upon us. But we will get through it. God bless America, truly the land of the free and the home of so many brave.


Vanessa Borg
nadurchic@aol.com
09-13-01