Missing You So Much Vanessa
I just wanted to write to You Vanessa, and tell You how much my heart aches for You. I look at all Your photos on Your Memorial site over and over and watch the stages of Your life roll by.
The years went by too quickly my Love. You were born, and how we all enjoyed You! Just six years between You and Your brother.... It was so wonderful to have a new sweet little baby again to Love and to hold. The very first night we brought You home with us from the hospital You slept all night long! This was a little scary,we kept checking on You but You were ok, and what a blessing to get a good nights sleep so soon!
As the years went by You started school and did well at all You that You chose to do. Never missing a day of school but it was heart breaking for me to see You crying every morning for nearly three and half years.You was too attached to me.
We all had such fun times going on vacations in the summers as family.It was either I would go with You and Your brother before daddy or we would travel together.Or sometimes You would go by Yourself,we used to get You and Air Hostess to watch over You and then we would come later and then we would all come home together.We had beautiful family memories together.
I always remember all Your Birthday's were spend at the Beach or Nanna's house.Sometimes it would be Bar-B-Q'S by the Beach and at night....remember Vee. Or sometimes in front of our house sharing Your Birthday's with Your cousin Samantha and all your friends would be there.Auntie Rita would order Your Birthday Cake for You.You went every Summer almost by Yourself before us,and then when Your brother grew up ,You would travel with him.
Now we buy Your Fresh Flowers and Candles to keep Your Memory alive and Your Aunts go visit Your Resting Place with Fresh Flowers and Candles....
I remember then when You started Jr.High School we would walk together to the bus stop,You were ok then,You never cried,but was sad to leave You.
I remember all our Christmas's and Thanksgivings, and Easters, and Mother's Days and Father's Days, and Birthdays, and, and Graduation Days, Prom Nights, and Snow Balls, and .......my Vanessa so many happy times we had together as a family.
Most of our Christmas at our Home,Thanksgiving was at Auntie Rita's and Easter was at Uncle Tony's.Oh and the big snow storms on 44 street.What fun You Your brother and your friends had.You took the streets and were playing almost all night in the Snow.What great memories.
So much has happened,Your Niece Samantha has a cute little Boy Preston.You would fall in Love with him and I know You are watching over him.He is too darn cute.Samantha also has a boyfirend the father of Preston he is very gentle and kind.He fits well in our family....Your niece Rebecca has 2 lovely boys Julian and Lucas,You would loved them to pieces,they are both so chubby just like You were my Love....and now Your Niece Sunta also have a beautiful daughter Quinn she is beautiful..and Zachary and Brandon got so big....Your brother got big too and he became a handsome man....You left him too Young he was only 18.He will remember You forever.He even did a Tattoo on his leg the saem Maltese Croos You had on your back but he added few words....In Loving Mmeory of Vanessa Borg''And so Daddy did another Tattoo in Your Loving Memory a beautiful Angel with Your Name'Vanessa' Zija Mary also made a Tattoo in your honoy name'Vee' so did Your cousin Samantha name'Vee' Cheryl too had a Tattoo done in Your Honot'Vanessa'and so does Derek on his leg with Your name'Vanessa' Your were so LOVED and still LOVED and touched so many people's lives with Your LOVE,people that we dont know we never met and send us e mails how You touched their lives with Your beautiful smile...Keep Smiling and shining on all of us from Heaven...Oh my Vanessa how I wish You are here with us all of us,You LOVED Your family so dearly...Life is so un fair :'(
Now everything has changed.Nothing seems the same anymore,no matter how much we go out to Parties or events,it is not the same without You Vanessa.
You was only 22 ,You were just starting life....when You got diognosed with that horrible Cancer. You was very brave tough and very strong.We always had hopes You would come home,because somedays You looked like You are not sick,we played games,watched Movies,the cooking channel together,many times either me or Zija Mary would sleep with You in the Hospital and You would be all night wanting to watch the DVD's.
But that horrible decease took over Your body and made You weak.Some days You were very alert and wanted to know what the Nurse is giving You in Your IV.I remember when the Nurse Carole came and did your Nails with nail polish.You looked so cute.Oh bubbie how I miss visiting You in the Hospital,I know I am being selfish.How I miss washing Your face with the face cloth and when I touched your feet you didn't want me too I think because they were sore but you never showed your pain :(
You went through and suffered so much my Vanessa but you was very brave and strong qalbi..
We are still trying to process all of this Vanessa, and trying to learn to live without You. Our family is still so broken and so lost with You gone from us. We are not whole anymore Vanessa. But we have to go on for Your brother.He needs us.
Some days it is unbearable Vanessa, and we wonder...will it ever be ok again, to live a happy life...somehow?? The pain is beyond words or description. No one should ever have have to feel this loss, the loss of a child who they Love so much.
We will NEVER be the same as we were one happy family.
Somehow, someway, someday, we will, by the Grace of God, learn to live again and remember You with a smile instead of gut wrenching pain. We will remember all the Special moments we shared together Vanessa.I can just hear You now, my Vanessa..........whispering to me (when I was feeling sad or upset or angry)........."Oh Mommy.......RELAX".......You said that to me many many times,even now Your brother say's the same to me.It makes me smile and sad at the same time!!
You had such a sweet way with all of us Vanessa. You never complained with what You went through in the Hospital,You was always Patience with us,driving us around,taking us shopping etc... I always remember You saying to me, "All I need to put in my car in a meter just like the NYC Taxi as a joke to make us laugh.... We think of You every minute of every day and we will Love You until we are all together again one happy Family.........where You are..........with God the Father, and Jesus, and in perfect Peace and perfect Health and Happiness.No more Pain darling Vanessa.
Keep visiting Your brother in his dreams and come to me and daddy too.
Remember the gold bracelet Nanna gave You with the Madonna Ta Pinu attached to it,well You thought You had lost it and could not find it anywhere.After You left us maybe a month I found it in one of Your jacket pocket.I knew it was a sign from you for me to carry on.......I will carry on.
We rest assure You are Happy in Heaven You have Nanna Iris,Nannu Charlie and Nanny Frans.We miss You all so much
Rest Peacefully darling daughter....Sister...... until we meet again.
Forever our Love,
Loving Mommy,Daddy brother Vincent
